“More than any of our students, Paul understood freedom,” Diego said, looking out from his hospital room window. “True liberty, not the childishly idealized notion JJ is obsessed with. Everything Paul did was what he wanted to do, yet he never spurned necessary responsibility. He was meant to share his understanding with the nation. But now, he’s soaring in Quazar’s realm, risen by Yametax to be among Phohoeno. Truly... free.”
“May his soul bound through the Endless Skies,” Mav said, hand over his heart.
Maren bowed her head, hands folded together as if in prayer. Immense guilt, greater now after she’d seen Diego’s pain, rooted itself in her core. It nourished on her failure to keep her charge safe, spreading and wrangling outward until it constricted her. Even breath came burdened.
Another soul lost, because of her.
Please, Paul didn’t know any better. Don’t let him suffer for my mistake.
“Thank you,” Diego said, nodding to Mav. “Maren, what’s on your mind?”
Like she’d tell that to a priest of the Titanian Church. Though there was so much she wanted to say, only two words breached the surface. “I’m sorry.”
Diego inspected her. “Dear Sister, this isn’t your fault. You did the responsible thing given the situation. Blame not yourself, but–”
The door slammed open. Out of breath, wearing a dusty hoodie and a wired expression, ran in JJ.
“Bishop Diego, I–!” JJ froze, eyes flitting over the little mourning group.
Maren’s mouth parted, her brow furrowing. What on God’s green Talam happened?
“JJ,” Maren said. “What are you doing here?”
JJ blinked several times. “It’s a long story, but I left Serene. Obviously. I tried going to the police, but it’s chaos over there. They told me there were Peace Keepers here who could get my report, but I can’t find them. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Easy, JJ,” Diego said. “Breathe.”
“I can’t breathe, Father,” JJ said, voice strained. “Serene’s going to attack the Wilkins’ headquarters tomorrow and a lot of people are going to die! I... I messed up. I thought I could handle it alone, but it’s too much for me.”
Maren felt an invisible hand touch her heart. She knew what he was going to say next.
In a small voice, JJ said, “Where’s Paul? I’d... I need to apologize.”
The hand clenched and twisted. JJ’s eyes were lowered, lips pursed; he was genuinely nervous, but prepared to face the friend he’d betrayed. She looked away. She couldn’t be the one to give him the news.
Mav faced him head-on, eyes melancholic. “JJ...”
“Where’s Paul?” JJ said, his voice strained.
“Paul was at the police station with us, to file a report about you,” Mav said, tone soft.
“Did he get hurt?” JJ asked, panicking. “Which room’s he in? Can I see him?”
“Son,” Diego said, placing a hand on JJ’s shoulder. “Paul’s dead.”
Maren stole a glance, which she regretted. JJ stumbled back, shaking his head. He threw a dubious glare at Diego.
“No,” he said. “No, that’s not true.”
“He saved three people’s lives,” Maren said. “Threw himself in front of them, shielding them from the bullets.”
“Stop.”
“He... he left us a hero.”
“I said stop!” JJ roared, face an angry red. “You’re lying?”
“Why would we lie?” Diego said.
JJ backed into the wall, his brow furrowing and eyes igniting as he looked at Maren and Mav. “Then where were you? Why weren’t you there to protect him? He was a civilian. You should have jumped in front of him!”
“JJ!” Diego said.
“I was putting out fires,” Maren said. “But, I should’ve–”
“Been there?” JJ said, voice dripping with scorn. “Damn straight.”
“Remind me where you were, JJ,” Diego said. “And why Paul was there at all.”
JJ looked like Diego had struck him. He choked, then fled from the room – a sentiment Maren felt all too well. Without a word, Mav followed him. Diego remained, gaining control over his breathing. Maren, however, slumped into the closest chair.
“You may feel that was harsh, but the truth can be,” Diego said, back turned to her. “And you’re too kind to remind him of it.”
“I just...” Maren began,” I need a minute.”
“Take as many as you need.” Diego closed the door, then returned to his spot at the window. “If you need someone to unload upon, I’m not allowed to leave this room.”
“Thank you,” Maren said, curling up.
Her gaze fell upon her nylon bag, in which her books lay. God, it was tempting to lose herself in them. But she stayed her hand. A little sensation tickled the back of her head, telling her one thing: her job wasn’t done yet.